The Fruit of This Generation…

I’m currently slogging through mounds of information regarding the spiritual warfare that Christians encounter in the world, since that’s the subject of our upcoming middle school confirmation retreat. I’ve spent the last two days listening to Mark Driscoll’s February 2008 lectures on the subject. Wow, it’s a doozy–an incredibly interesting, useful, much-needed doozy.

I read some research a few weeks ago by experts Dillon Burroughs and Marla Alupoaicei, co-authors of the newly released book, Generation Hex. They cited a Barna study, which showed that fewer than 20% of teenagers are ever exposed to any sort of teaching that deals with supernatural or paranormal subject matter. So, I’m glad that we’re diving into this topic with our youth–as challenging as it might be for us, their spiritual leaders, to decipher.

You only need to spend about ten minutes checking out what today’s youth are reading and watching to see that they’re completely fascinated with it. Almost all of the middle schoolers I know have read the Twilight series and Harry Potter. Many are fascinated by the supernatural thrillers of Ted Dekker. They’re clamoring about shows like “Vampire Diaries”, “Heroes”, “Flash Forward” and “V”–all programs revolving exclusively around the supernatural. And let’s not even mention the movies that fascinate them….I don’t have all day here.

What’s interesting about this is that I’m really only ten years older than this generation of middle schoolers–yet their experience is so different from mine already, and they have such vastly different personalities as a result of it. Get away from the fact that they cut their teeth on computers and DVD players, received cell phones as grade schoolers, and think that touch-screen technology is common-place–what’s more interesting to me is what they’re utterly fascinated by.

When I think of my childhood media influences, I remember Mighty Mouse, Woody Woodpecker, Tom and Jerry, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers, the Goof Troop, the Space Jam characters, and a whole lot of other happy-go-lucky talking animals.

This next generation is growing up embracing a much darker, much more realistic and mature group of media darlings.

Despite the fact that this next generation grew up in a cutting-edge, technology-saturated world–a world where they are exposed to more information than ever before in the history of all the world, right at their very fingertips–they are keenly interested in mystery. Things that cannot be explained by facts and photos. Things that send a shiver down your spine instead of a concrete understanding. Things that demonstrate that we don’t have it all figured out, that we’re not the masters of the world.

The most frequently asked questions I have from middle schoolers and high schoolers alike are questions about the supernatural: “Are ghosts real? What’s the battle going on between God and Satan? Can a Christian become possessed by a demon? What authority do we have as Christians?”

I can’t help but think of the oft-quoted sentence from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis: “There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel and excessive and unhealthy interest in them.”

I’m not sure yet if we’ll grow up to see that this generation developed an unhealthy interest in the supernatural…but I am hopeful that we’ll see a departure from the egocentric follies of the generations before us–those who turned away from God and instead embraced facts and figures.

Maybe this generation will dramatically change the world–in a way that no one saw coming. No one would guess that our kids, growing up with more opportunities and knowledge available than anyone else in history, might return us to a simple, awe-inspired fear of God and a healthy fear of evil.

Revel in the Chaos

Sometimes I just want to sit and revel in what I do.

Take last night, for example. I co-lead a small group of eighth grade girls with an awesome co-leader, Dawn—a rare gem who accurately interprets my many side glances at her, which range from pleading looks of helplessness to moments of total perplexity as we participate in the rollercoaster that is junior high ministry.

Last night, we met at my apartment for our Bible study. Our apartment is, oh, slightly larger than a shoebox (perhaps the size of an Uggs boot box is a more accurate description), so trapping seven teenagers and two adults inside one small room usually raises the temperature about five degrees every hour. On cold days, I’ve often wished that I could invite them all over and just set them loose—I’d never have to turn on the heat.

Of course, I’d probably end up evicted within the day.

Keep in mind that we have two puppies with sharp, gnawing teeth—so there’s really not much in our apartment that teenagers would be able to trash.

Well, I can’t honestly say that they trashed anything. But they did inhale a large pizza, an entire bag of candy corn, and chugged multiple bottles of water (which the dogs promptly destroyed as soon as they set them down on the ground. Guess who’s left picking up tiny bits of plastic and paper all night…). They picked up and fiddled with about every single thing that wasn’t bolted down (candles, DVDs, books, pillows, dishes, you name it). Then, they took turns bouncing on an exercise ball squeezed in between our two Lovesac beanbags as they all chattered loudly at once….and despite the fact that no one could hear a single thing anyone else was saying, they were happy as could be.

Occasionally, I’ll let my mind drift to worst-case scenarios, and last night’s would’ve consisted of someone choking on pizza while attempting to scarf it down while reading Bible verses aloud, someone knocking the painting off the wall and shattering all of the collectibles on our decorative ledge by bouncing too high on the exercise ball, someone tripping over feet and getting impaled by the forty-nine pens left uncapped on the floor, or a neighbor knocking on our door with a bazooka because they think a war is going on in our living room.

Insert truth here:

As much as I poke fun at my girls, I just absolutely adore them. Hands down, they’re the highlight of my week—even with their maddeningly messy, chaotic, stressed out, emotional baggage that characterizes why no one ever looks back at middle school without grimacing. 

Yes, as much as the administrative duties and heavy stresses of running a large program can run me down, I’m so thankful for these little glimpses of hope God drops into my life. Really—to watch these girls put the pieces together, connecting what they’re learning about their faith with their lives, caring for each other and sharing the nitty-gritty challenges of their lives with us, learning how to pray confidently—simply amazing. 

So, although I don’t often get the chance, last night I just reveled in it all.

Supergirl Meltdown

Caution: the following abbreviated article is a glimpse into my daily mindset. Heck, it’s a glimpse into the daily emotional battle of almost every young lady I know.

My mom forwarded me this great article about the insane amounts of pressure our girls are under today (it always helps to have a newshound for a mother). She said it reminded her of me. Yes, I’d agree wholeheartedly. I’m still struggling to learn that I can’t do it all and I need to be content about who I am and where I am right now.

As someone once told me, “Jesus didn’t start doing ministry until he was 30, and he was perfect! Just because you haven’t achieved remarkable things by the time you’re 24 doesn’t mean you’re a failure!”

Even as I write that, I see how ridiculous that expectation of myself is.

We need a cultural adjustment badly.

Supergirl Meltdown: How Middle-Class Girls Today Are Under Unprecedented Pressure To Succeed

By SARAH HUGHES
Last updated at 7:46 AM on 19th October 2009

 Perfect grades, perfect bodies, perfect boyfriends, welcome to Generation Supergirl – the young women who are supposed to have everything

 On the phone to a friend, the talk soon turned to her teenage daughter. At 17 she is beautiful, popular and doing well at school  -  yet, despite this, she is also, her mother revealed, increasingly unhappy. 

 ’She’s so worried the whole time,’ my friend said. ‘She’s convinced that she’s going to fail her exams, that she won’t get into any of the universities she’s applying for, that she’ll never do well at anything . . . she gets so wound up about the slightest thing. I find her in floods of tears and nothing I say can convince her that she’s going to be fine.’ 

 And my friend’s daughter is by no means alone. One colleague’s smart, attractive daughter has been battling anorexia since her early teens. 

 Another saw her teenage girl drop out all together  -  exhausted at the age of 17 and on the verge of burn-out after years of academic achievement. She refused to apply to university and is being treated for depression. 

 Welcome to Generation Supergirl. They are the young women who are supposed to have everything. 

 Unlike their grandmothers, they don’t have to fight for their right to be heard. Unlike their mothers, they are confident they can have the career without sacrificing the home life. 

 Record numbers of them are achieving top grades, heading to the best universities and on to great jobs. 

 But are all these opportunities making them happy? According to a new book Supergirls Speak Out: Inside The Secret Crisis Of Over-Achieving Girls, the answer is an overwhelming no. 

 As the book’s 21-year-old author, Liz Funk, explains: ‘These “super girls” believe that in order to be happy, they must excel at their job or career, have the best grades, wear the coolest clothes, date the best-looking boy, and have the perfect body size.’ 

 What is especially cruel is that to the outside world this particular band of girls seem to have it all. 

 Glimpsed walking down the street, these girls look blessed: beautiful, skinny, stylishly dressed, their confidence as they chatter away about this book or that film, this TV show or that boy is enough to make even the most self-assured 30-something feel dowdy and out-of-place.

 Yet they are increasingly unhappy. Their quest for perfection has not led them to contentment, but instead turned them into what Funk described as ‘stressed-out women whose drive overwhelms their lives  -  their body image, diet, exercise, school schedule, career choices, romantic relationships and interactions with family and friends’. 

 So why have so many teenage girls come to the conclusion that anything short of perfection is failure? 

 Stephen Hinshaw, professor and chair of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, and author of the bestselling book, The Triple Bind: Saving Our Teenage Girls From Today’s Pressures, believes that they are suffering from the weight of expectations: society’s, their parents’, and, most crucially, their own. 

 We live in a world where it’s not enough for a woman to want to be a great athlete, she needs to be a highly marketable athlete as well  -  then it won’t matter if she sells more cameras than she wins matches on court. 

 ’When we were conducting the interviews for the book, we met so many girls who believed that they had to be the best at school, great at sport, popular with their peers and have the best body as well,’ Hinshaw says. ‘Not only that, but it all had to appear effortless. 

‘No one can achieve that. It’s putting an insane amount of pressure on yourself to try. Girls are now expected to excel at “girl skills”, achieve “boy skills” and be models of female perfection 100per cent of the time. 

 ’This triple bind is putting girls at risk of eating disorders, depression, and even suicide.’ Worryingly, the statistics seem to bear Hinshaw out. 

 In 2009, a report on behalf of Stirling University’s Suicidal Behaviour Research Group found that girls were three times more likely to self-harm than boys, while the number of girls diagnosed with depression, eating disorders and body dysmorphia is also on the rise. 

 Even those who are not suffering from clinical disorders seem to be struggling to cope with the pressure and expectations heaped on them by a society increasingly in thrall to the pursuit of perfection. 

 A 2007 survey of 2,000 teenage girls in the UK, found that 70 per cent dislike their faces and only 8 per cent are happy with their bodies. Two-thirds of the girls surveyed said that they believed their lives would improve dramatically if they lost weight, stating that they felt bad about their bodies because of the images of ‘perfect’ celebrities. 

 ’It’s not enough to be academic, because without being attractive you are simply dismissed as a brain, or a nerd, and that adds a whole different layer of pressure for young women. 

 ’It becomes as much about how they look as about who they are.’ 

Hinshaw agrees. ‘One of the things that we found during our research into the triple bind is that if a boy is good at sports or does well in the classroom, that’s enough, he doesn’t have to be the greatest friend in the world as well. 

 ’But girls do  -  to be considered well-rounded then they have to be popular as well as academically successful and a great deal of that popularity is based around looks and behaviour.’

 ’We need to let these young women know that perfection isn’t everything, that what they are striving for is impossible, because that level of perfection doesn’t exist and if you try to achieve it then you will simply collapse under the pressure.’ 

 Funk agrees. ‘People do need to recognise that you don’t have to be successful at everything,’ she says. ‘We should encourage young women to take time for themselves and think about what matters to them. If they are too busy going from one activity to another then they have no real time to stop and think. 

 Constantly striving for improvement is no substitute for doing something because you enjoy it. 

 ’We need to stop worrying about how other people see us, and wanting to be judged on what we have achieved and instead enjoy life for what it is. 

 ’Spending all of your time becoming fixated on tomorrow, on being successful or famous, or worrying about how everybody else views you, takes the joy and wonder out of being young.’ 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1221344/Supergirl-meltdown-How-middle-class-girls-today-unprecedented-pressure-succeed.html#ixzz0UPFCP1UJ

Don’t Read This If You Have a Weak Stomach…

I’ve been researching some ideas for my next youth event, Double-Dog Dare Night. I stumbled across the website “StuffChristiansLike”, which had a humorous article about how youth pastors must take a class at seminary about how to do gross food games in their youth groups.

Needless to say, I was absolutely floored by the disgusting food games people wrote about in response to this topic. Out of 155 comments, I picked the top ten most revolting games people listed. I can’t believe that these people weren’t fired for doing these games with their youth groups. I have an iron stomach (I’ve conquered all the food dares I’ve ever come across, since I was a wee lassie in grade school), but some of these made me shudder.

In case you don’t believe me, check it out yourself at this website:

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2008/11/434-gross-food-related-youth-group-games/#idc-ctools

I believe one contributor summed it all up best when she remarked, “I’m pretty sure 97% of youth pastors are sadists.”

Remember, I warned you.

 Top 10 Grossest Food-Related Games:

1. Have two male youth take off their shirts and spread peanut butter under one armpit and jelly under the other. Then have two other kids come up on stage, wipe all the peanut butter and jelly off with a piece of bread, and eat the sandwich.
2. Give one half-cup of water to a team and have the first person brush their teeth and rinse with the water. Continue passing the used water along the line, as everyone on the team rinses their teeth with the same cup of water. (Yes, they’re all using backwash to rinse their own mouths….yuck!)
3. Drinking warm soda through a used sock. (Apparently, scores of youth leaders have done this game. One leader wrote, “We had one kid that was notorious for not changing his socks. We challenged him to this—he drank through his sock, and then put it back on his foot, and wore it for the rest of camp. What a legend!”)
4. “Muck Wars”: a concoction of horse food, colored ramen noodles and whatever fruits and veggies are quasi-rotten in the kitchen, blended together and smashed in mouths.
5. Float Spam slices in a tub of water. Kids have to fish them out with their bare toes and feed them to each other—using only their toes.
6. Caramel apples that are really onions on a stick, coated in caramel.
7. Everyone chews a different food (crackers, candy bar, pizza, etc) and spits it out into a large cup. Mix it together and choose someone to eat it in front of everyone.
8. Hot root beer and as many bananas as a youth can eat—”guaranteed to make people puke”.
9. Race to finish a can of Vienna Sausages covered with Redi-Whip.
10. “Human Milk Shake”, a game in which the participants sit in a row and pass some sort of Jello-ish or yogurt-ish substance to the end of the line by swishing it around in their mouth and then spitting it into the next person’s mouth. (Some leaders suggest adding a raw egg to make it even more disgusting…)

 Honorable Mentions:

• Put a raw egg in kids’ mouths and see who can do the most jumps with a jump rope
• All-you-can-drink squid juice
• Mustard-filled Twinkies
• Bobbing for Jolly Ranchers in a bowl of flour
• Melted mini-Snickers bars in Mountain Dew in a (clean) toilet bowl
• Dog food eating contest—both canned and dry dog biscuits mixed together
• See how many live goldfish you can eat in an allotted time
• Challenge kids to eating frozen mayonnaise (which looks exactly like vanilla ice cream)

Attack of the Saber-Tooth Puppy

My birthday was last weekend, and I had the unusual luxury of a wide open, obligations-free weekend to savor. I decided to treat myself by sleeping in late on Saturday…which was only possible in theory, as we have a 3-month-old puppy named Tucker who has proven time and time again that he has hardly any bladder control whatsoever.

At about 9:00 am, I heard the doorbell ring. We live on the third floor of an apartment complex, so we hardly ever get any souls brave enough to climb three stories of flaky wooden steps to visit us on a whim. My husband opened the door to find the UPS man standing on the stoop with a package.

To my delight, I found that this package was a birthday gift from my brother, who’s still out in college in Southern California. The last time I was out there hanging out with him, he took me to a great cupcake café—which was the highlight of my week there. Remembering my fondness for the cupcakes, he overnighted me a box of fresh cupcakes to enjoy on my birthday weekend. And, thoughtfully, he included two tiny dog cupcakes for Bonzer and Tucker.

I carefully unwrapped the tiny frosted cupcakes and set them on a silver-edged platter for the dogs to enjoy. And that’s when the chaos started.

Bonzer, the older dog, is a picky eater. He refuses to even lick anything until he has thoroughly sniffed and examined it. Not so with Tucker. Tucker bites down and swallows things before he even has time to decide if he likes it or not.

Tucker launched on the plate, grabbed a cupcake, and retreated under the couch. Bonzer delicately picked at the edge of the frosting with his teeth, and in watching him I realized I had forgotten to take the paper wrapper off of the cupcake. Since I knew I had about half a second before Tucker wolfed his down, I reached under the couch to grab the cupcake from Tucker.

Bad decision.

Tucker saw me coming and braced himself against the furthest corner of the couch. That should’ve been my first clue. He then shoved the entire cupcake in his mouth in a desperate attempt to swallow it whole—before I could steal his prize–and promptly started choking. I frantically shoved my fingers inside his mouth to try to pry the cupcake from his little teeth.

Sensing that I was about to take his food, he chomped down on my thumb with all his might. I yelped and pulled my fingers out, to see two bloody, gaping wounds (ok, they were really small punctures) in my thumb. I angrily tried again—this time with my left hand—but Tucker had taken advantage of that split-second and had already swallowed the cupcake.

I sat back, a bag of mixed emotions—one part marveling that he could eat that quickly and not die trying to swallow something arguably bigger than his brain, the other part angrier than I’ve ever been at this ungrateful puppy.

How could Tucker not realize that I was just trying to help him? All I’ve ever done for him has been out of total love….the hours and hours of walks, patiently standing out in the pouring rain while he relieves himself….trips to get fresh kiddie cups of ice cream for him to savor….hours of cuddling him, brushing his teeth, trimming his toenails, giving him treats, taking him on car rides….how could he be so ungrateful to someone who has only treated him with love?

It didn’t hit me for a few days, but when it did, it hit me like a ton of bricks:

What has my attitude towards God been? I’ve been no different than Tucker.

I too have been totally wrapped up in myself, ignoring the many gifts that God has given me. I’ve taken His love for granted, selfishly gobbling it out of His very hand and cramming it down my own throat without as much as a “thank you” to the One who offered it to me in the first place. In frustrating and challenging times, I haven’t always trusted that God will carry me through because of His unfailing love. I haven’t seen that everything God does for me is out of tender concern and unconditional love.

Thank goodness for that everlasting, unlimited forgiveness He offers me.

Ephesians 1:7: “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace…”

Who knew that a profound truth about humankind lay hidden in the story of a vicious, saber-tooth puppy?

Never Say Never

Complicated, hyper, changing-their-mood-faster-than-they-can-text, nutty little things. Something to be examined from afar—don’t get too close, or they’ll suck you into their talk of Miley Cyrus and Facebook. Spend too much time with them, and you might end up having them actually confiding their latest crushes to you.

I never thought I could work with middle schoolers. Leave that to the people who never grew out of middle school, right?

A year and a half into my job as the middle school ministry coordinator here at Faith, and I’m not sure I could ever work without middle schoolers. I absolutely adore this age–the complexities and challenges, the joys and pull-my-hair-out frustrations of this tween generation. Without even a hint of sugarcoating, I can honestly say that the biggest joy of my life right now is seeing God working in, through, and amongst the kids here.  What an incredible gift He has given us in these youth—not only in blessing us with these kids, but in allowing us to have a hand in molding them into young men and women of God.

Sometimes I feel like the little kid who was just promoted from the kiddie table at Thanksgiving, and allowed to feast with a proper knife and fork at the Big Table. I often picture myself squinting at God and saying, “Are you sure? Me? Lead your children? But…what if I mess up? What if I don’t know exactly what to do?”

However, that’s the beauty of what God has entrusted us to do. He has blessed us with these kids, and told us to raise our children up and to make them “wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 3:14-15).When we’re confused, unsure, or feel like we’ve made a mess of the whole process, we can turn to God and plead anew for help—and not only does He always give us another chance, but He turns our mess into good (“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”, Romans 8:28).

Jesus says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last” (John 15:16). Notice that Jesus didn’t say, “Oh yeah, the fruit? It might be ok. Well, I’m not sure really sure if it’ll last or not…it might, or it might not.” He simply says, “I chose you and appointed you. The fruit will last.”

Last week, I was invited to my first eighth grade party. The last time anyone bestowed the honor of inviting me to an eighth grade party was…well, was when I myself was in eighth grade. That made me realize something: if God can work through me—a ball of stress who worries about paying the bills, is cranky in the morning, and yells a bit too loudly at her puppy for having an accident on the carpet—then God can work through anyone. And He does.

Somehow, through our imperfections and shortcomings, His work is still being accomplished. If that doesn’t show the glorious grace of God, I don’t know what does.