Guys Always Know How to Say the WRONG Thing

8 07 2010

Guys. They always know how to say the wrong thing.

The other day, I was walking up the steps to my apartment. A well-dressed guy about my age was coming down the steps towards me, carrying a stack of bank pamphlets that he had been distributing on every door. 

Upon seeing that this was the perpetrator responsible for peppering my door with useless fake “coupons” for the last few months, I was strained to even stay civil in passing by him on the steps. 

I had the fleeting thought of how useful it would be to have a retractable handbag with a brick in the bottom–whiz, bang, boom…And down goes the guy with all his flyers!

Then, he spoke to me. 

Random Chatterbox: “Hello there. Nice day, hm? Been at the pool, I see!”

Me: “Uh, yeah. But I haven’t been to the pool, I’m just getting home from work.”

Chatterbox: “What? No, really?”

Me: “Really. I just got home from working at the office.”

(Long pause where he looks over my outfit again with a critical eye)

Chatterbox: “Really? You haven’t been hanging at the pool today?”

Me: “No.”

(Awkward pause, in which I glare at him as he confusedly looks at my outfit again)

Chatterbox: “Well…..have a nice night!”

Me: “Thanks. For nothing.” (Ok, I actually responded, “You too.”)

Alright, I’ll answer the burning question on your mind: no, I wasn’t wearing a swimsuit. I was wearing a black cotton skirt, a coral top, earrings, and silver dress shoes. 

This may be the question that goes with me to the grave–why on earth did this fellow think that I had been lounging at the side of the pool all day, when I was actually wearing a quite modest and office-appropriate outfit and walking upstairs with my purse?

The only conclusion I can logically come to is that guys have some gene that prompts them to say the wrong thing when they have the opportunity to say something that could actually be quite complimentary. 

And yes, every woman on the face of this planet knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Take, for instance, a comment my husband has made before: “You’re wearing that?”

How this is interpreted to the female brain: “That looks hideous. What were you thinking when you purchased something like that and actually thought it looked good?”

If only that random guy would’ve said something like, “Oh, what a nice outfit!” or “Nice earrings”. That’s all. No pithy comment about the pool and sunbathing.

After all, I didn’t tell him that his tie was clearly not summer-appropriate and that it clashed with his yellow shirt, which made him look totally washed out.

Oh, if only they’d learn. The world would be a much happier place.

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One response

21 07 2010
Tyler Moore

In my defense, typically when I say “you’re wearing that?!” it is more a response to my own fashion inadequacies. As in, we’re going to dinner and I’m wearing slightly dirty cargo shorts and a t-shirt featuring a Wookie in sunglasses, and I walk around the corner and you are wearing an outfit that wouldn’t raise eyebrows in some of the finer restaurants in St. Louis.

In other words, what I am really saying is, “Crap, guess I need to change…”

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