A Cacophony of Strangeness….

20 11 2010

Have you ever sat down at your computer and wanted to talk to it?

I mean, really talk to it?

“Hey, friend…I know, you’re sick of this week, too. Tell me about it. I know I’ve been stressing you out with all of my furious typing, the frantic searches for documents, and the endless clicks and jabs I’ve put you through in the last few days. Sorry.”

To which my computer would undoubtably respond, “It’s fine. I’m passive aggressive, and I respond to your abuse by freezing up every time you need something done really quickly. Oh, and that printer error that keeps cropping up? That’s me, too.”

Oh, that vindictive computer of mine.

What can I say? It’s a stinkin’ PC, not a genuis Mac.

All this talk about vindictiveness leads me to my next point–my office whiteboards. I came into work this week to find that one of my students had written boldly across the board, “May the clowns be with you…and also with you.”

Well, that kid is Lutheran, at least. Despite knowing and capitalizing on my inane fear of clowns.

And speaking of fear–I’m pretty sure I met a criminal in my apartment complex. Pint-sized, thankfully. He came up to my shoulder, so he wasn’t too terribly threatening.

Fall in line, now, kiddos...

Let me back up and explain.

I’m apparently the Pied Piper of Oakville. Whenever I step foot outside of our apartment, I get swarmed by whatever kids happen to be around.

I do play the flute, incidentally.

Why? I don’t know. If it was something I could figure out, don’t you think I’d change what I’m doing so that I actually make it to appointments on time instead of constantly battling through a swarm of children, flinging my purse to clear the air of those pesky rascals?

Kidding. I don’t hit them with my purse. That would be child abuse. Duh.

Anyway, on one of those crisp days recently, I decided to take the dogs on a long walk. No sooner had I walked down the length of our apartment building then did a strange young ten-year-old attach himself to me for no apparent reason.

His opening words to me, “Cool dogs. Let me walk one.”

My response: “Thanks. And heck no.”

He proceeded to walk next to me, then, for the next hour. Yep. We walked all around the neighborhood, him wheeling his creaky old scooter next to me as he rambled on about everything that popped into his head. He never once asked who I was, or if I was a serial killer who specialized in capturing small children.

I guess I’m not very threatening, after all.

Anyway, this young fellow told me all about how he’s moved dozens of times in the last few years because his dad keeps finding “new jobs”, how he participated in secret “fight clubs” in Texas and won money, and how he gets “free groceries” wherever he goes because his father is a police officer, and “cops get to eat whatever they want free, all the time.”

When I asked him how he went about getting these “free groceries”, he calmly informed me how to shoplift food from the local supermarket.

Then, he asked me if I wanted to come inside for a glass of chocolate milk–a gallon he had “just grabbed earlier”.

I made a hasty exit. I haven’t seen this young criminal since that fateful day.

And speaking of not seeing something since a fateful day, I recently discovered $11 in cash in my coat pocket.

Ca-ching.

I must be a church worker, if $11 makes me feel rich.

Life. What a cacophony of strangeness….

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4 responses

22 11 2010
Buttons

Hey! Love the blogs! Your “may the clowns be with you” line made me want to comment. I’m a professional clown from Chicago! If you live anywhere near there it would be my pleasure to do a birthday party or whatever else you need! Get ready to laugh your guts out!

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23 11 2010
Belle

Just got done talkin with “buttons”! She’s actally my friend from Chicago. Since im located in Michigan City, which is just East of Chicago we actually went through training together..”clown school” if you will! We were talking this evening and hoping that you would write more clown stuff! Us clowns like a good laugh!! Great blogs and God bless!

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24 11 2010
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1 12 2010
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