Yes, I’m Married…to Satan.

26 04 2011

I don’t think too many women have uttered the phrase, “Honey, why don’t you go take off your makeup and we’ll go get some dinner” to their husbands.

But I have.

You see, I’m married to Satan.

No, really. I am.

At least, I’m married to the actor who portrayed the devil in our church’s Good Friday drama just a few days ago.

Tyler had been practicing a lengthy and intense monologue featuring Satan interrupting a somber worship service over and over again, which made for an incredibly powerful experience that I don’t think a single person who witnessed it will ever forget.

It’s hard to even describe it—other than to tell you to imagine what it would be like if the devil stood in the midst of the congregation, maniacally screaming, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” as lightning lit up a dark sanctuary and thunder rattled the building.

Yes. Chilling.

But my goodness, let me tell you—being married to Satan is quite an interesting experience.

For one, I spent weeks listening to Tyler perfecting the mocking, sneering voice that he used throughout the drama. Setting the table for dinner and overhearing, “Why don’t you come down from that cross if you can, Jesus” from the other room is just a little disconcerting.

And then there was the costume selection. An endless question of “Does this look evil enough?”

We settled on a lovely blood-red silk dress shirt—Bugatchi, if you’re a fashionista like me—and a silk vest paired with black slacks and a black tie. As my father quipped, “The devil wears Prada.”

What a lovely mugshot, Satan...I mean, Tyler.

Of course, there was the stage makeup, too. In Tyler’s opinion, the devil should be sickly pale, with wickedly black hair, a long black goatee and mustache, and dark circles around his pale eyes. He achieved this look with a copious amount of black hair dye, a lovely eye shadow palette borrowed from moi, and a super-light shade of foundation borrowed from our resident office makeup expert, Sue.

I didn’t tell Tyler this—I’m a bit embarrassed. But that shade of foundation that turned his face a papery white color?

The same shade I use on a daily basis.

What can I say? I’m a good ol’ German Lutheran girl.

Anyway, after Friday’s service, I had scores of people grabbing me by the elbow and breathlessly whispering, “Oh, Cassie, your husband was simply amazing!”

Ironically, the ensuing conversation always went pretty much the same way:

Me: “Thank you, I quite agree—he’s a great actor.”

Them: “Oh, Tyler was just so creepy!”

Me: “Yeah…he was just acting, though…”

Them: “But he was so creepy!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Them: “What’s it like to live with him?”

Me: “You know…intense…”

Them: “Is he that creepy at home?”

Me: “Um…no. You see, he’s just acting.”

Them: “Ooo…he was just so scary. I can’t imagine living with him.”

Me: “You know, he’s not really like that….he’s a good actor.”

The exchanges reminded me of a young friend of mine who was born and raised in Africa, the daughter of missionary parents. She laughingly told me that she can boil down people’s reactions to hearing that she’s from Africa into one of three lines of conversation:

A) “Did you live in a hut?”

B) “Did you have an indoor toilet in your hut?”

C) “Did you play with lions?”

The funniest part of this entire experience, in my personal opinion, is that Tyler did the children’s message on Easter Sunday, at all four services.

Yep—playing Satan on Friday night, and handing out plastic eggs full of candy on Sunday morning. He’s a talented guy.

All humor aside, it was delightful to watch my husband use the gifts God has blessed him with to help an entire church think a little bit differently about the true sacrifice that Christ made for us on that cross. Listening to the twisted, manipulative, venomous anger that Satan has for God—and knowing that despite how bone-chillingly evil Tyler portrayed him as, he didn’t even come close to tapping the true depth of wickedness that the devil actually is was mind-boggling.

And then, of course, was the incredible fact that Tyler didn’t break character once—despite having one of our youth grin and wink at him while he was screaming his lines at full volume.

Or the fact that while he stood in the front of the sanctuary, delivering the most passionate lines of the whole drama in candlelight, the tornado sirens shrieked at full-blast and the wind howled around the building, scaring the dickens out of the hundreds of us inside who were too afraid to move a muscle.

Thank goodness our lives can go back to normal now—without Tyler attempting to perfect the art of imitating the devil.

And let’s just say that despite the fact that I played the lead character in last year’s VBS drama, there’s only room for one actor in this family.

It’s definitely not me.

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